You asked if I wanted anything, and I said no, you asked again, and I guess I was supposed to say no because you said “I’m not buying you coffee”.

Now you’re across the street and hopefully buying me coffee. I wanted to keep your Netflix logged into my computer so I could steal movies for free, but then I remembered that’s what my roommates are for, movies are boring, and I’d rather write stuff like this to people (there’s nobody) like you.